well, not exactly destiny. it was me, reading the meaning of my birthname: amanda. "worthy of great love."Since then i've read multiple derivations from obvious "lovable" to the disappointing "princess." the first one was the one i always thought was true, even though now i know "true" is usually more flexible than my five-year old mind would grasp.
It's odd because it doesn't mean that i will get great love, or any love. And actually it feels more like a potential future than a promise of any kind. as in "you have the opportunity to be greatly love."
And actually, that's something I've been thinking about lately. In this decade of life I guess is the time were it's a mad scramble to settle major things like careers and securing marriage if that's what you're into. and so it's easy to get focused on the bottom line thinking, be envious of those that get the girl and the gold despite what it does to them to do so.
recently i've had some guy friends discussing with me how mutual acquaintances will stoop to underhanded techniques to get girls, and they finished it up, "but.....they get girls!" as if that was the point.
one of my favorite writers from my adolescence wrote, "what you win is how you play." or the more popular, "what you are today is the price you pay for what you used to want."
i believe it's a universal desire to want to be loved, some of the giddiest highs or the simplest pleasures are derived from knowing that someone loves you. But it's also something we absolutely cannot control, attempts to do so are sabotage. So what i think in the end we are left with is the ability to try and be someone worthy of love, even if no one every will.
i suppose it's a trite and cliche conclusion, but i think still true. Perhaps growing up is modifying our wiring for instant gratification and selfish need of attention and love and all the flash and jazz of fabricated love and subsuming a quieter and stiffer satisfaction in knowing that i am worthy of the things i believe i want, if i never obtain them.