i'm happy and content and full and it's been awhile and so i'm raw and sensitive to every nuance of the emotion, my brain is buzzing and instead of playing music like i normally do i'm listening to the deafening silence full of subtle possibilities, like a roar just out of hearing range.
the sun came out today and my teacher decided we should go outside with our hd camera and told us to spontaneously come up with a thriller film which resulted in us running along the port in the sun with the heavy wind suppressing laughter.
sometimes I lose myself or find myself to be uglier than I thought, more selfish and weak, but this provides the contrast when i ran into a startling recognition of myself as someone with strengths to balance the weaknesses.
i believe in a certain relativity and duplicity of reality, a flexible identity. sometimes i am the way that i'm afraid i am, but i forget sometimes that i'm also sometimes the person that i hope I am, more like the person I hope to be.
I feel so alive even though I'm tired I dont want to sleep, I want to keep living this moment this reality because I'm so aware of the fleeting nature of it.
Today I was brave. today i was innocent. i surprised myself. my friends surprised me, and i realized that my classmates had somehow become some of my favorite people within the last month or so. Somedays you just can really see, you can feel this little peep of the tip of joy, a glimpse of how things could be.