Saturday, March 20, 2010

you love me so much you would be me in your pocket. and i should die there smothered.
-dh lawrence.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

"he took little pieces of me, every day. it was so small i didn't even notice it. and then one day i was standing there and i didn't know who i was."
"that can never happen again."

there has been a huge weight pressing on me for so long i didn't know. and i feel it lifted today.

I made a crazy impossible decision that is possible about what i'm going to do with my life and with my future, and it's viable and interesting and challenging. and i realized i haven't been loving myself the way that i should and the way that no one else can. I thought of a list of what i could do.

1. take myself on walks.
2. let myself talk on them.
3. use my souless car as little as possible
4. push myself forward and hard
5. when i'm unhappy make a change with the belief that happy is the state i should be in, and being unhappy should be an unavoidable but temporary passing point.